5’s promoted!!

AndrewM Match reports, Mens 5th XI

The morning started off with half the team dosing up on various forms and quantities of pain killers myself included. It wasn’t looking too hopeful as 10 minutes into our journey we realised no one had picked up Jack Dowdell from the club house, it had seemed that Carlos had not organised for anyone to collect him from the club how he avoided TFC I will expand on later. So I, Oli and Adam departed from the two car convoy and swiftly returned to Epsom to collect Jack and then somehow managed to arrive at the match before Pike’s car which was rather baffling. Anyway on with the game, under the glaring sun the sweat was beginning to pour off of us and finally after many attempts on goal Breesey managed to gain the ball at the top of the D and then pushed it towards the back post, now you may think I’m exaggerating here but I’m pretty sure the sun set and rose a few times in the time it took the ball to get to the back post where Breesey was expecting someone to put it in but I believe it was Adam who was there who decided not to touch it but instead let the ball which was swiftly gathering dust slowly roll over the line. A rather lucky goal which made it 1-0 Epsom. With a goal under our belts we were pumped to score another and Breesey took a clean crisp strike from the top of the D and slotted another goal away once again into the bottom right. Now I’m not entirely sure what was up with us today but we had about 6 short corners in a row and we just couldn’t seem to get it right (practicing at training would definitely help) but eventually our tireless efforts paid off and Breesey finally put one on target and slotted it away for a 3- 0 lead at half time.

The second half began our spirits were high unlike our fluid levels due to the sun relentlessly beating down upon us. Anyway Breesey/Carlos2.0 decided to dribble straight at them from push back and actually got surprisingly far but then was unfortunately tackled just shy of their D. Now during our half time talk there had been some murmurings of a technique called “passing” now I believe Carlos is quite familiar with it but Breesey seemed to have an epiphany and in the middle of their D played a superb pass to Chris White who destroyed the ball into the goal making the score 4-0. Now we all know that Dave Pike is a great hockey player but he decided that he was an international hockey player in two respects at this point in the game, the first one was when he beautifully controlled the ball mid-air above his shoulder and then when the whistle blew deciding that Carlos who was currently in Spain hadn’t had much time on the ball this game and swiftly and cleanly connected with the ball sending it across many countries hopefully reaching Carlos in Spain. After this ordeal he did not receive a card but instead received some very thoughtful captaining advice. Then shortly after out of nowhere a lumberjack appeared and decided he’d have a go at hockey then when he was expertly tackled by one of our man mountains decided that he needed to be chopped down to size and he ruthlessly swung for the mountains legs but fortunately missed the umpires I presume just thought this was a bit of friendly “banter” and gave the lumberjack neither a card nor a talking to. Now I’m not entirely sure what happened here but through my contacts on the streets I came to the conclusion that the umpires who had already left a lasting impression upon us all had missed a blatant foot and from which Sunbury sneakily slipped a goal past the bored Adam Sydenham who had less time on the ball than Carlos. After this interesting ordeal Breesey decided team work was over rated and went full rampage mode and then when he was on the base line just outside the D began to pirouette and twirl around half the Sunbury team and then went on to lob the goal keeper playing the ball perfectly to Adam who scored a cricket shot on back post.

Game Over 5-1

But the drama was not over yet… Breesey after a successful day managed to shut Oli’s car door and somehow (I blame the glue) cause the mirror to fall out of the wing mirror and smash on the floor. This was followed by a multinational buffet containing fruits from across the globe including bacon, sausages and curry.