Unstoppable 5’s keep the momentum

AndrewM Mens 5th XI

Moving onto our game, I think it is important to mention the weather as all previous match reports seem to open with some irrelevant comments regarding this. It was wet prior to the game but dry throughout the match- done!

Our game was due to start at 10:30 but despite the usual target arrival time of 30 mins before Push Back, Jonesy and I were sat in his car, which by the way was one of the most untidy I have ever seen, at 10:20 with only Dave visibly present. However, the game did start on time (well, the standard 15mins behind schedule but this is now accepted) but lacking a certain Grant, who had got so lost that he had decided the whole thing wasn’t worth the hassle and decided to turn around leaving us with a squad of only 11. While we had no subs, Breesy had accused the opposition of having 12 on the field for the start, only to be shot down by everyone else on the pitch who can count.

The whistle blew and right from the off we knew we were going to win big as Carlos had told us so in the usual motivational team talk. However, it didn’t seem that way for the first 10 mins as despite constant pressure on the break, we couldn’t find a way past the oppositions inspired keeper. Then the eleventh minute struck and from the back we mounted a quick counter attack which involved Adam beating his defender with a turning circle equivalent to an oil tanker, before crossing to Carlos. At this point, in true Carlos fashion, he made things hard for himself by unnecessarily taking the ball onto his reverse stick just inside the D ┬ábut then sweetly struck the ball into the top left hand corner. A truly beautiful strike by a beautiful man!

So, we were off and running and having won the last 3 games, scoring 12 along the way, there was no way it was going to end there. As usual Nick P and Graham were solid in defence and with the additional pace and distribution from Oli, the midfield felt confident to move up in numbers. It was time for goal number 1 of arguably the greatest hat-trick in hockey history (Obviously this is not entirely accurate but this is what I told the wife and all those outside of the Epsom area!) Nick C to Chris to Carlos to Dave, back to Chris (me) at the top of the D and boom……back of the net (or rather the back board).

After this it was basically game set and match with Alistair and Dave controlling the wide areas in midfield. Time and time again we would allow Addiscombe to push forward in numbers then hit them on the break utilising Oli, Dave and Adam down the right. By this time Adam was finding it all too easy to beat his opposite number for pace that he appeared embarrassed and occasionally gave him the ball through pity (is that right Ad?!). Anyway in the midst of all this foreplay, Carlos scored again…..another powerful strike that found its way through the keepers pads. Some great triangles then lead to another for TFC/MoM, the ball eventually being driven in from Adam which Nick C got on the end of, only to see the keeper half save, leaving the ball hovering on the line for me to sweep sweetly home. Half time 4-0

With no substitution options some changes to positions followed for the second half. I was half expecting to be put in goal to prevent me scoring more goals then Carlos but to my surprise this did not happen and the game restarted. Addiscombe started with real purpose but only for 20-25 seconds then we won a short corner. We don’t claim the be inventive from such set moves but why would you bother when in Nick Payne we have a 1 in 2 short corner specialist. 5-0

It should be noted that throughout the game, Breesy in his capacity as referee, had taken every opportunity to prove that he was in control, (that along with the flash Benz he is rocking suggest that perhaps he is compensating for something) calling players over and telling them that he was in IT and threatening them with a card if they didn’t respect all nerds.

So, to the reason why I am writing this report……..on another counter attack I ended up with the ball heading towards the D only to be faced by a UNIT in the Addiscombe defence. As I tried to play the ball past him, which was a challenge in itself, I lost my balance and ended up running into him. The ref (Breesy), stops play, calls me over and says to me, ‘your having a good game and since I have been dropped by the 5th and am now playing for the enemy, I am going to have to card you. I don’t really have any basis for this decision so I am going to claim that your play is too aggressive despite the fact that the guy you just accidentally ran into just stated that it was an accident’. Result, a green card and a number of TFC votes as nobody else put a foot wrong, well apart from Adam who kept putting a foot wrong and ended up stopping a Nick P short corner with his foot when it was heading into the goal

2 more goals followed, one by my MoM Dave, who defended and attacked superbly well, and another for our very own hat trick hero!

A superb game by all with solid defending in numbers and superb attacking with real intent.

Joking aside, thanks to Breesy for reffing, it is very much appreciated by all

A deserved week off for all before continuing our usual end of season attempts to pip our friends in the 6th to 2nd spot