Men's 4XI vs Old Kingstonian M1

Hi all

And what a way to get back on track. Not only was this a truly thumping win, but it featured some of our best hockey of the season, some real bursts of confidence and creativity, and above all it was a really fun game to play in. Two sides with not a huge amount to play for going hammer and tongs in the Spring sunshine. I mean, why wouldn't you?

I say two teams going hammer and tongs, but in reality it was one team going hammer and tongs with some expensive top-of-the-range stuff they bought from the Makita VIP Trade outlet, and one team having a go with a Fisher Price My First Tool Set. Yeah, OKs weren't really in the same league as us in this game, and we took full advantage despite having a scratch team ourselves, thanks to fully eleven players being unavailable for various reasons. With a short corner after 45 seconds, we could have been 1-0 up within a minute. As it was, we had to wait all the way until the sixth minute before Gaz decided to take this match by the scruff of the neck and score four increasingly outrageous goals before we'd even reached the half hour mark. We were waltzing around OKs like eleven ridiculously handsome dandies in a BBC costume drama. We looked dangerous every time we had the ball, with George, Davey and Jack looking threatening, and Lozza and Gaz slicing through an admittedly substandard OKs defence like two meat cleavers tackling a warm Mr Kipling Battenburg. It was joyous to watch - the big switches, the patient build up play, the finishing. We even scored from a short corner!

OKs didn't offer much. They had a couple of decent players in the middle, but they were no match for Pringle and Duncs who played disciplined, energetic games, and the OKs defence just couldn't dig anything out from their 16s. They did get a goal from a p-flick courtesy of Jonno's big knee getting in the way, but with Jack adding another goal before half time, we went in 5-1 up and looking good for plenty more. We'd looked relaxed and up for it from the whistle - in fact we're always very competitive at home, and teams find it hard to break us down. Whether that's to do with the warm up, or we're more keyed in, or maybe it's the fans, I don't know. But this was a classic 4s performance - get in front early on, keep the tempo up, force the oppo onto the backfoot, force mistakes, and limit them to the occasional breakaway. We did this until we were safely ahead - we were 8-1 up at one point - and for the last ten minutes we just played around, enjoying ourselves and being forgivably sloppy at stopping breakouts. Yeah, if we'd been 2-1 up with ten minutes to go, or goal difference was a make or break thing going into the last two games, obviously we would have played that last bit differently. But I for one am desperate to see Maj, Pringle or Duncs score a goal, so I'm all up for letting off a bit of responsibility-free steam at the end of a game we'd done so much to put beyond OKs through a combination of hard work, free-flowing hockey, and smart decision making.

In fact thinking about it this felt more like a 24/25 match at times. Wingers slaloming in on goal, forwards tucking away goals from close range, the midfield dominating possession, and everyone playing in a relaxed, confident way. Some of the passing, by the way, was divisions above where we actually are. I'm not sure there are many forwards at our club who make leads like Lozza, and there can't be many with the sort of tricks that Gaz keeps in his rolled-down socks. Also a big shout out to the guys who stepped in and helped us out, particularly Starrsy and George, who both had fantastic games up our right hand side. It felt really good to get this win after a long spell of being very close to getting results, interspersed with being putrid. We hadn't won since January, so it was lovely to break the habit. We actually could have had half a dozen more goals in this game: their keeper had a blinding second half, and we had a fair few shorties, only converting two. There were periods later in the game where the OK D resembled the Alamo, just wave after wave of Epsom attack being kept out by some last-ditch defending. Fair play to OKs, they didn't let their heads drop after Gaz properly pulled their pants down in the first half hour, but we were much too strong for them; a total reversal of our game at their place before Christmas. That game was possibly our worst display of the season; this one possibly our best. I think I said in my pre-match message that I wanted to pay them back for that game bu giving them a good old-fashioned British hot-crumpeting. I believe hot crumpets were administered.

Spike

Not much chance with their p-flick, and even less chance with that goal of the century that they scored in the last minute. I reckon if there hadn't been a net, that shot might still be thundering towards the M25. I haven't seen a ball struck that hard since the glorious Summer of 1984, when Gordon Greenidge launched an outswinger into the pavilion at Lords on his way to a double century v England. I still wonder if one of the MCC old farts came a cropper that day, that ball was shifting. Other than that it was a funny game for a goalie: there were some scrambles in our D, Spike did have to make a few saves, and he came out well to close OK forwards down on the edge of the D, so they didn't get much room to shoot. He called a good game with some new faces involved, but still no clean sheet since the beginning of December.

Maj

Really solid game from the man who fusses so much they call him Auntie Maj. Really strong on the ball in this game, with the usual top drawer control both on the ground and via aerials, Maj helped keep us really tidy when we were trying to get out from deep in our own corner, with no panicking, no braindead turnovers, and no poor decisions. He kept the left side pretty much danger-free all game, didn't drop any jelly babies, and sent lots of very clear maps about car parking out before the game. So well done that man.

Starrsy

Fabulous debut for the Fours from the man best known for his role as Sloth in the hit 80s film The Goonies. Matt slotted in seamlessly, using his power and pace to direct traffic away from our D, to mop up with decent stick control, and to push things up our tight wing very effectively. I'm actually not sure he put a foot wrong, overlapping with George, supporting his fellow defenders, and knocking balls into the midfield. Alright, things got silly with ten minutes to go, but we were playing with house money then on Demo mode, so that's why the scoreboard looks the way it does, and not because Matt had a three-goals-conceded game.

Jonno

And speaking of not putting a foot wrong, what about this fellow? Playing centre half and growing immediately into the role, Jonno captained the defence brilliantly, giving assured, clear directions and calls, and absorbing pretty much everything that came down the middle. Alright, if he didn't have such protruding knees, we may have got away with a clean sheet in the first half, but we worked so hard in and round our D we really did limit them to a small handful of chances. It's sometimes hard for defenders to get in on the MoM shouts when we play so well offensively, and win a game 8-3. But Jonno rightly got some shouts in this one, and he's rapidly becoming our most dependable defender. Or at least, the defender with the most dependable hamstrings (and I don't think they're THAT dependable).

Pringle

A typically Pringle-esque display. Excellent injections for out short corners, really disciplined and aggressive marking in the middle, and a complete lack of any clue whatsoever when he had the ball in the oppo D. Yes, that's our Pringle! I have to say though, Rob's flat-stick passing is genuinely arousing - it's the only word for it. It's invariably accurate, it has real zip, and it transforms defence into attack in milliseconds. It's a real weapon to have deep in our own half, and it put OKs on the backfoot several times in this game. It almost makes you wonder why he doesn't do that when he's in front of goal.

Duncs

And speaking of powder puff shots on goal, here he is! The goalie's friend himself, 'Delicate' Dave Duncan. Don't get me wrong, Duncs had a proper work out in the match. He may have ditched the undergraduate curtains to go for a more streamlined pharmaceutical executive-style haircut, but Dave hasn't changed his game at all. Playing deep and picking 16s up straightaway, he demonstrated some vintage Double D twists and turns to keep possession, wriggle out of trouble, and turn defensive pressure into open breakaway chances. We hit OKs on the break so much, especially in the first half, primarily thanks to Duncs finding a way through when OKs really weren't expecting it. And when we were 7/8-1 up he even had a little venture into the OKs 23, and the results were...mixed. A couple of passes to their goalie, and a couple of polite plops into the D sadly resulted in zero goals, but maximum entertainment, and isn't that what this whole sport thing is all about?

Davey L

People often use words like 'tenacious' and 'hard-working' when they're talking about enthusiastic but limited players, who possess high effort but low technical skill. That simply isn't the case with Big Dave. Yes, he throws himself around, and yes he hassles oppo defenders like a particularly persistent XL Bully with a floppy fringe, but he delivers up some serious hockey chops, often served with a generous side portion of skill and trickery. OKs had a mare in the first half, and plenty of that was DL getting in their faces, turning the ball over, and dribbling round people. Sadly, as we're finding out, and contrary to general public opinion, the Lee family are NOT indestructible, and a combination of a very warm day, 20,000 pre-match steps mysteriously already in the bag, quite a lot of running in the first half, and a bit of rustiness after a bout of (let me get it right this time) tonsilitis, did lead to a bit of cramp and a premature exit. But the work he'd done in the first half sent us on our way.

Jack A

A slow burner for Jack. I mean, he was involved from literally the first seconds, but as the game went on, Jack just got better and better, eventually being able to basically bypass the OKs right back. Like a ninja trying to outmanoeuvre a jellyfish nailed to a gatepost, it was unfair at times. Our best player on the ball - possibly the league's best player on the ball - when Jack gets hold of it on the move there really is no stopping him. He worked really hard up and down the left wing, winning free hits, short corners, most tackles and the hearts of the attending fans: bereft of a Matt Bishop to ogle, Jack proved a most acceptable stand-in. With two bright goals and a bunch of skills that the flatfooted OKs defence just couldn't deal with, Jack was a very close contender for MoM.

George

Drafted in late in the day, George had himself a stonkingly good game. He has a rare positional sense so he's always in the right place at right time, quite often when another Epsom player is already there, but that's not his fault is it? Really useful defensively when covering for Matt, and equally potent in attack when supporting the forwards way down in the far corner, he made good use of the ball, good use of space, and fought hard in the tackle, which is something you love to see from a young player. On this sort of showing, I imagine the transfer committee might be up for a Morgan-Faulkner duo playing regularly for the 4s at some point in the future.

Loz

Really hard not to give this lad MoM when he plays like that. Tireless, relentless, and a proper handful, Loz ran the OKs defence into the ground all game. His diagonal runs, his willingness to get up and down the pitch as breakaways happened in both directions, and his work powering into the D was just immense. Rewarded with two corking goals, including an ACTUAL short corner routine that we ACTUALLY practised before the game and which ACTUALLY came off, no less, Loz was the engine of the forward line, stretching the field, creating spaces, and making himself available for those lovely long balls which came out of our back lines. When he's hitting form like this, there's not many Division 5 defenders who'd fancy 70 minutes of Lozball, and that's presumably one of the reasons we scored eight goals.

Gaz

Of course, one of the other reasons we scored eight goals is because of Mercurial Gaz Morley. The OKs defence was a perfect match up for the man who laughs in the face of shinpads. They were too keen to dive in, too slow in the turn, and just not good enough to handle Gaz's range of tricks. But in actual fact, it wasn't all just la-di-da showboating which overcame the OKs lot. There's a lot more to Gaz's game: his passing, his little triangles, his one-twos, his movement inside the box, and of course his cutthroat finishing, all made life very difficult for a team whose confidence drained from them faster than a pint of Landlord in the hands of Dave Farmer. So for a deadly display of genius, cunning and sheer _joie de jouer_, in a game which was generally superb fun from start to finish, Gaz is this week's MoM. Congratulations!

And I suppose that is what these last few games are all about really. We're probably not going up, we're definitely not going down, but we want to carry on playing competitive hockey and doing ourselves proud as a team. As it is, we are currently sitting in 5th with the opportunity to stay there very much in our hands. And although the season has been up and down, games like this remind us that we are actually a pretty good team, we play games in the right spirit, and we can get results if we prepare right and work hard for each other. Finishing top 5 in our first season in Div 5 would be pretty sweet, so we just need to make sure we get the job done over the next two weeks. Availability is looking patchy again, especially as Lozza may be moving into his new role as Head of Nappies and CEO of Nighttime Burping (massive congrats by the way!) later this week. So please, please, please try and get out of whatever family party, hill-walking holiday or marathon masturbation session with Farmer's old copies of Razzle you're planning, and come out and give us a hand. It would be super helpful if you could update Teamo asap, too, so I know what I'm dealing with. I don't really want a repeat of last week: I literally can't afford to go back on the fags. Okay?

Spike