Mens 5 vs Richmond Redoubtables

Good afternoon all.

Well what can I say? We said it was going to be huge. We said we needed to be prepared and up for it. We said we needed to absolutely bring our A-game. We said this was the must-win fixture of all must-win fixtures. Well congratulations gentleman, that was some start to 2025.

Now I’m not an especially emotional person. I’m not a huge fan of drama or hyperbole. I tend not to get carried away easily. Sarcastic, yes. Bit sweary, yes. Guilty of writing overly long match reports, again yes. But pretty level headed.

Not yesterday. Not before, during, or after that game. I’ve just about calmed down now.

Yesterday is the reason I play sport. It had intrigue, tension, really high quality moments, and then the sweetest taste of victory. Some wins are a bit meh. Some are undeserved so you almost feel guilty tiptoeing back to the car. This one was humongous. An explosive mixture of relief, pride, reward, jubilation and adrenaline. After the whistle I felt like King Kong eating a biplane on top of the Empire State Building. I could have run through a wall.

So why was it such a big deal? Well, basically we were playing a deadly promotion rival in a lose-and-we-have-no-chance-of-going-up type situation; plus we basically can’t afford to drop any points at any point for the rest of season. And because we won, we’re now only two points off a promotion place. We simply had to get off to a winning start, and we did, and it felt great, and it’s going to be like this every week until April. But who cares about blood pressure anyway?

I have to say, the first 15 minutes were probably the best we’ve played this season. Thanks to a proper thorough warm up we were able to get straight out the blocks. Our midfield were everywhere, and Richmond couldn’t get out of their 23 at all. We kept pressing and forcing mistakes, and after 12 minutes we were 2-0 up. That is a game plan being executed to perfection. I said before pb, force them straight on the back foot, get on top with a goal or two, then control the rest of the game. What a fantastic response from the team.

But you know, there’s a reason Richmond were second with only one defeat in ten games. They’re a good side, even though they looked like bunch of Care in the Community misfits who had borrowed their older brothers’ misshapen white t-shirts to come and play hockey. They’re a good side even though they forgot to bring a keeper’s kit so they didn’t have a goalie for the first few minutes. They’re a good side despite all the moaning and complaining to the umpires. We knew they’d hit us on the break, and they did. They got themselves back in the game twice.

But we were the better side over the 70 minutes. More controlled, more creative, better prepared, and more clinical. I’ve got to be honest, all four of our goals were of the highest quality. Our short corners less so, and they need work, but our general play was tidy and efficient, and we spent 80% of that game in their half. Now sometimes all of that possession and control doesn’t translate into making - let alone converting - chances. But on this occasion it did.

Defensively we got away with a couple of chances which went begging, but we contained them pretty well. They’ve scored 5 goals on six occasions this season. They have firepower. But the three they got against us included a jammy opener and a p-flick. We didn’t give much away.

And what about that last ten minutes? 4-3 up in the biggest game of the year. Tired legs, pressure, the threat of the breakaway. And yet we had possession of the ball for probably nine minutes of that time. That was a masterclass in level-headedness; ball retention; making good hockey decisions; calling and supporting; stretching the oppo until they got super frustrated. It was really, really impressive, and showed just how much we were in control, especially across midfield. I love to see it.

And that was 100% a real team performance with contributions from everyone. But here’s how you did individually:

Spike: it really doesn’t matter how many through balls I came and smothered or kicked out. It doesn’t matter how many times I got in front of their forwards and intercepted balls in the D. That game will be remembered for how I destroyed that young lad up front. But y’know. You’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do. He was fine. He didn’t die.

Bish: big game from the Reverend. As always, they didn’t get anything down our right flank so it was all funnelled into the middle. Having Bish is great because it’s like having a defender and a midfielder and a winger all in one, and he’s literally never out of position. I can’t tell you how comforting it is to have one third of the pitch as a threat-free zone. If our future AI overlords are going to clone a hockey player they could do worse than Matt Bishop.

Maj: getting outrun by a forward when you have a ten yard head start is always a good moment to re-evaluate how you’re going to set yourself up. Maj stepped off and didn’t have any more defensive problems after that. I liked the way he supported the midfield offering plenty of opportunities for switching play, too. However I did feel the jelly babies were a little too cold, so he might need to rethink the tupperware arrangements for morning games.

Pringle: a monster of a game from our very own flame-haired finance wizard. Defences need a combination of strength, pace and sense of positioning. Luckily for us Pringle has all of those things by the bucket load. Richmond only threatened on the break when they managed to get the ball behind us, everything else was mopped up by Rob, through a combination of anticipation and effort.

Farmer: part of a backline that has conceded only 11 goals in 11 games (second best in the league), Dave continues to patrol and protect our D with what can only be described as aplomb. Like Rob he had a number of great takes to intercept aerials, and played with intensity and passion all game. I mean, who else could bark out at full foghorn volume “WILL EVERYBODY JUST CALM DOWN!” with no hint of irony?

Tom N: known in hockey circles as “The Interceptor” for his precision tackling and stealing, Tom gave us protection across the pitch from sideline to sideline like some elongated hockey crab from the future. When Nickels is within 18feet of an oppo player they by default have no space. And you could only sit back and admire that full length backhand clearance while Tom was prostrate on the centre spot, like a bored Victorian gentleman lying on a chaise longue swatting away a bothersome fly.

Tom B: non stop action from Mr Versatile himself. Another all round midfield game of key tackles, pricing infield passes, and more industry than 19th century Rochdale. Tom filled in for us at LB too when Maj got puffed out, which is why it’s great to have all rounders in the side. Got an MoM shout.

Scotty: the tobacco industry’s loss is our gain, as Alex put in a decent shift all game. Up against a fast, moderately talented left half, he provided the first line of defence as well as offering his usual positive, proactive, running-at-defences trickery. Is there a more glorious sight in hockey than Scotty getting his head down and beating five hapless oppo defenders as he cuts in from the sideline? I don’t think so. In with an MoM shout.

Earl: an absolutely top drawer performance from his second touch onwards (!). Wherever Richmond pegged us back it was Earl who stepped up, raised the standards just a little bit, and gave us that extra edge around their D. Topped his performance off with the winning goal, and he was a difference maker all game long in an eye-catching display worthy of the name Peacock. Had a couple of MoM plaudits.

Stu: a really helpful calming presence throughout, Stu offered us a sure pair of hands, his usual great sense of positioning, and the time and space to get hold of the ball and slow things down, in a game where we absolutely needed those kinds of options. I don’t know how he floats into space without anyone noticing. Provided an outlet out left and up top, keeping things ticking over for us, while keeping the Richmond defenders honest.

Ludders: a batting performance from Matt against a pretty stingy backline. Not everything came off but when you’re running at defences time and time again, and getting in great positions, defenders will tire, and they will make mistakes, and you will create opportunities. Ludders is a goal machine, and he gave us the early goal that we needed, setting the tone for the rest of the game. The guy was tireless, and encapsulated exactly the kind of showing that we needed.

Lawrence: speaking of goal machines, this one isn’t some mass-produced Taiwanese knock off. This one was made bespoke in a Tuscan workshop by master craftsmen using only the finest raw materials. Oppositions hate paying against Lawrence because he just doesn’t give up. He stretches them and pulls them about like a kid in a play doh shop who’s just had loads of Haribo; and he runs at them and gets behind them like a ninja chartered surveyor; and then he goes and scores. Twice! I used to work in a farm shop and I tell you what, if I could have bagged potatoes the way Lawrence bags goals, they probably would have made me junior assistant manager with special responsibility for eggs and dairy. Oh yes.

Jack: another game where Jack made a creditable nuisance of himself. You’d think someone called Long Jack Nienow’s strengths would be finding buried treasure or boarding Spanish galleons, but it’s actually getting in fantastic positions on a hockey pitch. That continues to be the case. However, always protecting the ball or finding that critical final pass remain, for now, as elusive as the fate of the crew of the Marie-Celeste.

Dave D: a double whopper with large fries of a performance from the Scouse Sean Kerly. This man was more immense than the yule log I took six days to get through over Christmas. He was everywhere, running the midfield like an air traffic controller with fifteen arms. I know I said at the beginning that this was a team performance, and it genuinely was, but there’s no way we win this game without the Dunkster - I’d need a whole separate 2,000 word message to detail his contribution - so suffice it to say he is this week’s fully deserved MoM. Well played sir!

I cannot stress enough how big a win that was, because that’s kept us in the running, and we are effectively in knockout competition hockey now. If we, Richmond or Merton drop any points it’s going to be very hard for any of us to climb back into the promotion places. We also have to remember that they will be playing OCs in the last two games of the season when OCs may already be promoted, so they won’t be doing us any favours That means we need to treat the rest of the season like the FA Cup. Win and we go on, lose and we’re all but out.

Next up is the unknown quantity Ashford. We haven’t played them yet because they conceded back in September. Please get your availability down as soon as you can. Please try and get to training. Please get there nice and early for another decent warm up (we’re away with a 2.45 meet). And please carry on putting in the same level of effort as you’ve shown all year. We can absolutely do this!

Congratulations all. That felt even better than I dared to think it might. On we go!

Spike