Mens 5 vs NPL M1

Hello everyone and welcome to the latest instalment of “The Winning Adventures of Epsom Men’s 5s” as chronicled by yours truly. And I have to say this one is a pretty decent edition.

It was like a trip to the seaside in July. A run out in the campervan, a gloriously sunny day, and a pitch with more sand on than the beach at West Wittering. Some of our hockey was pretty bracing as well, fully deserving of a cone of chips and a flake 99.

We started with a really strong attacking side and only one thing on our minds. NPL were stuck in their own 23 like a pod of beached humpback whales while our front players pushed forward like an unstoppable tide of foaming white shirts.

We were 2-0 up with only 11 minutes gone and playing some of our best hockey of the season. The pitch was running slow but our passing was quick and accurate enough all over the pitch to keep NPL pinned back into a defensive formation around their D, and we were moving the ball and using the width really well. NPL 1s are a good side who have taken points off some of the big boys in this division. Against us they were reduced to clearing the ball blindly upfield within the first 20 minutes. We had loads of shorts (although again couldn’t make the most of them), but despite that we were still 4-0 up at half time.

A really, really good half of hockey, I have to say. Error free, creative and executed to a very high standard. The game was won in the first half.

With a big squad there were always going to be plenty of changes, and it did inevitably unsettle us just a touch. We weren’t quite as fluent in the second half, but we were still very comfortable all game. A couple of breaks and a bit of good fortune gifted them two goals, but by that time the game had been put to bed by a combination of good finishing, total domination of time of possession, and keeping them stuffed inside their 23 by stealing balls, closing down quickly, tackling in numbers, and never relenting on the pressure.

Spike: tempted as I am - as the person who actually writes these bloody these things - to say nothing of any goalkeeping interest or import happened whatsoever, I should probably concede that this wasn’t my finest day. I offer no excuses except to say 1) doing literally nothing for 45 minutes isn’t the best mental preparation for an unexpected break through the middle, and 2) just how many lines are painted on that flippin’ pitch? It was like someone had been making crop circles or abstract art for fun. Anyway, that’s only three absolute howlers for the season, so not too bad for me.

Bish: universally considered to have had a stonkingly brilliant game. The superhuman physical effort to constantly push forward and track back all game is unreal (even Bish had to finally sub himself in this game!), but that’s what you get when you’re a defender, a wing half and a creative outlet too. Making claims on being THE key player of the season, Bish only blotted an otherwise perfect copy book by tripping over his feet and squirming the ball into touch halfway through the second half. Joint man of the match, but lost out in the tie break situation.

Maj: really decent performance today with a selection of good lateral and defence-splitting passes, a couple of nice tackles, and the usual safe hands that you’d expect from such a seasoned (ie old) cricketer. Maj doesn’t make many mistakes and plays calmly and sensibly, and because we were able to play such a high back line he supported the forwards well, too. We do, however, need to set up a Go Fund Me page so we can pay for him to join the local Cub Scout group. It’s the only way he’s going to learn how to tie laces, I’m afraid.

Pringle: another determined and powerful performance from Reigate’s very own potato chip baron. The flat-stick 16s worked every single time, he spread play really well, and got off a couple of decent short corner shots too. Able to defend very high and get in on some midfield action with not a little success, we’ll probably need to be a touch more disciplined v OCs and Merton; but when you’re 5-0 up I appreciate it’s hard to get too worried about breakaways.

Duncs: looked the most accomplished player on the pitch by some distance, especially in the first half. Single-handedly responsible for our total owning of time-of-possession stats, Dave kept the ball safe and secure, and unloaded literally dozens of killer balls to split the NPL midfield and defence. Duncs was like a human telephone exchange: everything went through him. Alas 16 games into the season and still playing in his Rutland Polytechnic kit means there’s no chance of a MoM win.

Scotty: asked to play top of the diamond, I thought Alex did an absolutely fantastic job. His trademark bobsleigh runs now went right up the gut, rather than ranging in from out wide, and NPL just couldn’t deal with it. Unlucky not to score, he was also the main reason their defenders just couldn’t break out. Quick to close down and devastating on the counter, the lad is just an all round offensive weapon. Very unlucky to have arrived just in time to miss the warm up jog.

Jack A: another really impressive display from Jack who really elevates us a level or two when he plays. He’s a good hockey player who understands positioning, who puts pressure on in the right areas, and who gets in great spots around the danger zone. Critical in a very large percentage of our build-up play, we looked a stratum or two weaker when he wasn’t on the pitch.

James: fluid yet feisty showing from young Mr S. who showed flashes of absolute hockey genius when out wide on the right, taking on defenders and driving into the D. James got so much pressure on the NPL defence it’s no wonder we scored from so many of his runs and forced so many penalty corners. Showed some proper Sunderland cojones, too, when their midfielder, angered by a recent blow to the dangleberries, squared up to him. Not only did James stand his ground and object in no uncertain terms to the pushing and shoving, but he also shook hands and moved on like the marriage-material gentleman he is.

Boydy: Tom’s confidence, ability and competitiveness are peaking just at the right time, and I thought he did a splendid job all over the pitch. NPL didn’t offer much, it has to be said, but then it was very hard for them to do anything really when Boydy was breathing down their necks whenever they tried to clear their lines. Just got caught by a rogue spin of the ball for one of their breaks, but aside from that gave the sort of all-round performance you’d ordinarily roll out the red carpet and a couple of corporate sponsor dolly birds for.

Lawrence: up there with “Rainham” Marsh’s best performances of the year. As soon as he got involved after the first four or five minutes we moved up three gears. He had their CBs and keeper all ends up at times, and you’d be hard-pressed to find better stick control anywhere outside the Red Arrows or an Atari nerd convention. Four more goals brings his season total up to a frankly staggering 28, but he also received countless balls just at the top of the D where he was able to create problems all game.

Ludders: very similar stuff. Robust, skilful and sharp in front of goal, the Ludders games-to-goals correlation goes on! NPL just couldn’t handle our waves of attack, and Matt was key to getting shorts, as well as to maintaining really good possession around the D. What he (and we in general) did better this week was taking time and finding short, accurate, sensible passes in and around the goal mouth. Another two goals brings Ludders’ account up to 11 from 6 games. Imagine if he’d played all 15 - we’d already be in Division 3. Loses marks for turning up in maroon, but wins them again for volunteering to play in a white bib that looked like some weird BDSM-ballet crossover garment.

Kris: a patient but ultimately devastating showing, Kris gave us fantastic options down the left and through the middle all game. His link up play in the final third gave NPL no relief, and he was unlucky not to get on the end of a couple of really nice balls across the face of the goal. Really like the way he makes himself available with his unmistakable call (based, as I understand it, on the mating cry of the Australian Swamp Harrier).

Matt Lai: busy and involved performance from Matt, adding numbers to the white wall of impenetrability which contained NPL for 98.4% of this game. Matt did the hard bits well, covering space, shutting off escape routes, and intercepting passes, but didn’t make quite as much use of the time and space he had when in possession. Would love to see more positive runs into the D: midfielders are allowed to score as well, you know!

Jack N: similar pattern for Jack. Gave us plenty of space and options out wide, and worked hard to get into the D when we had the ball, but could have overlapped a bit more, and needs to look after the ball a little bit better when we’re breaking and building up play. No shortage of work rate on display out there though.

Farmer: Final Boss-style appearance from the Farmster in a game where he defended like an NFL linebacker, drove into NPL territory like a protestor in a combine harvester determined to deliver a petition to Downing Street, and then notched his first goal of the season with a short corner heartbreaker just before half time. It was one of those perfect strikes somewhere between being sweet as a ripe peach and being totally mis-hit. Defenders had no chance. He only took his foot off the gas after 50 minutes or so of hammer and tongs hockey when the game had already been won, and so is thusly named this week’s *MoM*. Congratulations Dave.

And congratulations everyone. You fully deserve a week off after 8 wins in a row. Yes that’s right; we haven’t dropped points since the 23rd of November, and we are now up to 3rd place in the league. That is a tremendous effort, and you should be very proud of the work you’ve put in to make that happen.

And the good news is that everything is still up in the air regarding promotion too: all the top sides have to play each other over the next five weeks, and basically whoever drops points will end up staying down, it’s that tight. So we have to make sure it isn’t us. We don’t have to do anything different, we just carry on doing what we’ve done all year: taking our chances and controlling games.

It would be great to see a few more of you at training. With a fortnight off you might want to come down to maintain a bit of fitness and sharpness, and we also still need to nail these short corners. We need to be at our absolute best in these last few games, so let’s carry on trying to get a little bit better each week.

Anyway, enjoy the rest for now, and let me know if you’re up for a game in case any other sides are short next weekend. Otherwise I’ll see you for the big showdown at OCs on the 15th!

Spike