Men's 4XI vs Wimbledon M6

Hello all,

It’s not often I say it, but great googly moogly that was as convincing a win as I’ve seen. After the gritty Custer’s Last Stand-style defensive bus-parking last week, we had a different gameplan this week at home against a young, inexperienced side who were very fortunate to get the better of us at their place earlier in the year (in essence, we were pants that day). In the same way that we weren’t a good match up for the young Mustangs - we’re experienced and deny teenagers space to run and show off their la-di-da skills by shadowing them, making them uncomfortable, and frustrating them - we plotted the traditional big energetic start to grab control of the game. Youngsters are there to enjoy themselves, show off and play as individuals; literally the last thing they want is a bunch of swarthy looking middle aged men making their lives miserable, accompanied by Spike refusing to shut up, and Breesey umpiring them. That’s certainly not the way I used to spend my Saturday afternoons when I was 14.

So of course that’s exactly what we gave them. Fifteen minutes of absolute misery - pressure, keeping possession, and zero fun. We were 2-0 up after 11 minutes because we were ready to go, full of confidence, and playing some genuinely impressive hockey. They didn’t like it up ‘em at all.

Boydy, Pringle and Charlie were on missions, shutting everything down that threatened to cross the halfway line, sapping Wimbledon morale from the first minute onwards. Jonno and Maj stuck to their men with unerring discipline, like probation officers sniffing an end of year bonus, while Duncs and Nickels were a pair of polite bouncers, barring underage boys from getting into the local Chicago’s aka our D. Up top, a combination of Loz’s pace and anticipation, Gaz’s self-belief and twinkle toes, and Ludders’ no nonsense forward play caused mayhem and a ridiculous number of chances.

Boydy got on the scoresheet first, a sublime move culminating in a fine finish. Loz notched a couple with Gaz tucking away a corner rebound. 4-0 at half time - if anything - undersold us a bit. The fact that Wimbledon managed to convince The Terminator to play in goal for them was the difference between an acceptably convincing winning margin and a double-figure thrashing from Sir. We were so dominant that 10-0 wouldn’t have been overly flattering. Except, of course, that we’re not fans of clean sheets, right?

The second half evened itself out a fraction more. Wimbledon had a little bit more of the ball as we eased off, but we still forced six or seven really exceptional saves out of Robogoalie. They did finish off a short corner courtesy of the usual jammy deflection, but this game was never in danger once we laid the wood in the first quarter of an hour. There were points where I genuinely thought “how many will we score today?” rather than “Oh God please let us hold on to this one goal cushion”. We just need to translate the confidence we get from a good matchup like this into games where we can’t always dictate tempo and terms quite so easily.

Spike

Very little to do in either half other than shout and complain about stuff. Marshalled the defence and midfield into some disciplined performances, but did manage to jinx our defending of Wimbledon’s last short corner by saying “Right lads, it’s a clean sheet today, okay?” before missing the bobbled shot over his left pad. Duly got a round in at the clubhouse by way of recompense.

Jonno

Splendid stuff from a lad who is playing himself not only into contention for the slightly patronising award of Most Improved Player but very plausibly into the conversation for actual Player of the Year. He’s calm, he’s sensible, he defends superbly, and he has excellent situational awareness. Whenever the ball’s coming at him I think “we should be okay here” and whenever he’s on the ball I rarely think “uh oh we could be in trouble now”. He has his own game completely under control, and that is an incredibly important trait to have as a defender, especially given some of the clowns who play around him.

Maj

Tidier than Dave Farmer’s extensive but impressively catalogued collection of 1980s soft porn magazines, Maj gave us a definitively solid footing at the back. By sticking to his man wherever he went, he snuffed out attacking options all game. Wimbledon had one singular break in the whole 70 minutes where we were outnumbered at the back, and that was when Maj inexplicably went and played in midfield. In my opinion there’s no one in the team who can stop a ball better than the Azamster. If only he could handle a small Tupperware tub of jelly babies with the same level of dexterity, we wouldn’t all have to scrabble around on the Astro to grab our share of half time glucose syrup.

Pringle

If you’re looking for a boy who’s having a terrific run of games then look no further than Rob “The Prefect” Pringle. Yes, he may look like an overgrown schoolboy, and he have the accent and disposition of an overpromoted officer at the Charge of the Light Brigade, but I challenge you to find me anyone else at this entire club who can flatstick no-look 70 yard passes with such precision, out run adolescents half his age and size, break up promising attacks with finely timed jabs, AND eat two raw spring onions after a hearty jacket potato tea. No? I told you.

Nickels

A timely return for old Slinky Knees Nickels. We’ve definitely missed Tom’s presence in the middle: he’s calm, he has a hockey brain bigger than Alpha Centauri, and he takes up some excellent positions across the centre of the park. What I like about Tom’s game is that although it’s often unspectacular, if you watch him closely you realise how much he actually contributes: he moves early, shuts down options quickly, and thinks in advance. That’s why it’s unspectacular - because he doesn’t have to do last minute heroic challenges, desperate tackles, or last ditch lunges, because he’s already snuffed out that chance by being brainy. Take note, other thicker 4s players.

Dunx

Another captivating performance from the everygreen Jan Molby of the London League. As ever we saw tonnes of textbook possession, ball security, and safety-first hockey without the ball having to move forward even a single yard! Although actually this was the game where Dunx was SO desperate to break his duck, he ventured into oppo territory over THREE times. After goodness only knows how many games he’s played for Epsom, could this be the game where DD finally notched a goal? Well, no, it couldn’t. Despite three fine chances including one on a polished silver platter, the post, the keeper and a shot hopelessly off target all conspired to keep Dave at 0. Next time, kidda!

Davey Lee

I thought the lad had a storming game across the top of the midfield, acting not only as our primary disrupter but as a critical creative outlet as well. Not many blokes in our squad can run at pace with the ball so securely under control, and DL did it multiple times today. From a distance you could be forgiven for thinking it was Jack Allen dashing backwards and forwards across the pitch in a Ringo Starr wig. Such was our pressure that Davey spent a fair bit of time in the oppo D, too, coming desperately close to scoring himself a couple of times, only to be denied at the last moment - like most - by Goalie-zilla.

Charlie

Two absolutely top notch back-to-back performances from a young lad who has immediately grown into a fully fledged 4s player, with legend status undoubtedly not far round the corner. Charlie is simply a very good hockey player. He has outrageous stick control, digging out balls in tight situations thanks to his Pinball Wizardesque wrist suppleness; he puts the hard yards in, something which is critical for the system we run and the style of press we play; and he has something which can’t be taught, and that’s vision. He sees passes which no one else knows are on; he cuts out angles before oppo defenders even know that’s where they want to play balls out to; and he sticks to his assignments with zero fuss. And before you ask, yes, the transfer committee ARE currently meeting…

Kwesi

Keen game from Le garcon Francois. Kwez came on when we were 2-0 up when we needed to consolidate our dominance and maintain our grip on the game, and I thought he did this tremendously well. Chasing down defenders, chasing lost causes, and condensing the middle of the park giving the Wimbledon tiddlers very little room to operate. His runs into oppo territory kept them pinned back, as he sprinted after a couple of speculative through balls, giving defenders something to think about. As the famous commentary once described, he opened up his legs once or twice to really show us what he’s got.

Gaz

Top game from the man who laughs in the face of shinpads, and farts in the general direction of kneecap skin. After a strong start on the bench, Gaz came on and proceeded to boss the area around the D, exactly as planned. Wimbledon defenders were left high and dry as Gary twirlywooed his way around and through, winning shorties, slotting cheeky through balls onto the p-spot, and generally enjoying the hell out of his hockey. Of course it was a shame when he got sent off for not enjoying the umpire’s decisions, but you can’t win them all. Can I just also say that, while we live in a world of technology how is it possible that no one has yet been able to build a pair of trainers that can contain a Gaz Morely pirouette? Come on, Nike! Get the eggheads on it.

Ludders

High scores for effort for Matt “Technicolor” Luddington. As a link-up man he gave us everything we needed up top: latching on to loose balls, closing down clunky Wimbledon defenders, and playing some lovely triangles with his fellow forwards. He made himself a few chances too, especially as Wimbledon tried to break more towards the latter part of the game. If it weren’t for Goalie-gantua he could have had himself a brace or more, but then it’s hard to score goals when you get green cards, yellow cards and additional time on the bench for asking - nay correcting!- Breesey that your penalty time is, in fact, up.

Lozza

Tremendous game from a guy we desperately needed more last week. Lawrence wreaked havoc in the Wimbledon defence, covering miles in running, and forcing a series of errors by virtue of pure hustle. In the first half the oppo hardly got out of their half and that was almost entirely down to Loz running his Wolverhampton Wanderers off all across the top of the park. Most importantly he scored a hat trick of timely goals which, in turn, each knocked the stuffing out of Wimbledon and their bedtime teddy bears. Very very very close to getting man of the match, and to be honest I’m not sure what more he could have done. Apart from being able to control perfectly weighted throughballs with a reverse stick, I guess.

Boydy

Just a masterclass in Wanting It More Than The Opposition, which is precisely what our gameplan is based on, at least until we get control of the game. Boydy’s energy and commitment are second to none in this squad, and as time’s gone on he’s added patience, confidence and not a little ability to that as well. Being on hand to score the first goal was a crucial moment as we looked to deflate Wimbledon early doors, and his persistence in the tackle, even high up the pitch, set the tone for the rest of the team. Aside from a couple of cul-de-sac runs and hit-and-hope passes in the second half, Boydy had himself a pretty much flawless game, which is why he wins this weeks MoM. Congratulations!

So this ended up being a supremely satisfying win in a game where you hope to play at a high level despite the relatively modest ability of the opponents. We broke their spirits in the first half and continued to make life difficult for them all game, while being able to reduce the throttle a little bit to save tread on the tyres. And by the way, that’s three fantastic defensive performances in a row, and two ruthless attacking games since the Christmas break. We have a tough one next week v OCs who have a pretty much blemish-free record. If we can put together a complete complementary performance against them - stingey at the back, opportunist up top - then there’s no reason why we can’t dictate terms and send them packing, exactly as we did last year.

Get your availability in now. I have a feeling it’s going to be a barnstormer.

Spike